Listen or Speak?

The answer is both but when it comes to networking listening  is the most important of the two.

When we network, I think the biggest mistake is talking too much-something I am definitely guilty of because I am PASSIONATE about what I do. I do however, think I am a good listener. I also think I could be better. Let's face it, we can always improve upon our listening skills. 

The next time you go to a networking event or meet someone new, talk LESS and listen MORE. An easy way to work on this is to make it a point to remember their name. I know. I know. You may talk with many people at a networking event ,and it won't be easy, but the payoff will be GREAT.

You didn't think I'd leave you without telling you HOW to remember names, did you?  Here is what I try to do to remember someone's name (something I honestly don't always do-I never said I was perfect!):

*repeat the person's name upon introduction

"Nice to meet you, Madeleine."

*use it frequently during the conversation

"Madeleine, what fascinating work you do."

*if you FORGET their name, ask them as it shows that you care enough to remember it.

"I'm sorry, can you repeat your name for me?"

*ask for their business card and immediately after your conversation make a few notes about them or your conversation on the card.

Make it a game and see how many names you can remember at your next networking event. No one will know if you forget...unless someone asks you to introduce them that is. 

Tag! You're it.

While in graduate school, one of my favorite areas to study was that of gender differences and communication style (s).  I continue to find this area fascinating and often become distracted while in conversation because I am observing communication style(s) instead of listening to the "message." Oops, occupational hazard.

YES. I am going to head down the Mars vs. Venus road for a moment.

I read an article this week about how women have a tendency to sabotage themselves with the word choices they make while communicating.  I completely agree and have been astounded with how many times this week I have caught myself doing this very thing.

 Let's take a look at the two messages below:
     
      "Do you think that you can have the report done by Friday?"
      "Have the report on my desk by Friday."

Same message but different delivery.  Now ask yourself these questions...

                 Which one sounds more authoritative?
                 Which one states the objective clearly?
                 Which message is more likely to get the desired result?
                 Which is stronger?

If you chose the second message, I would agree with you. Unfortunately, the first message is most typical of how a woman would approach asking a colleague to complete a task. Why?  Because we have a tendency to use "tag lines" and so we come across as less authoritative, less knowledgeable and tentative in our message. Common tag lines include: don't you think?, isn't it?, if you don't mind, this may be a crazy idea but and OK?

As women, we are conditioned from a very young age to maintain harmony, keep the peace and BE NICE. As a result, we choose a word or group of words (tag line) that will "soften the blow."

RIGHT?
WRONG?

I think it depends on the situation and so I'm comfortable to say that it's "DIFFERENT." (NO. I'm not being nice. I do believe that there are times when you DO need to soften the blow a bit.)

Take a good listen this week to your word choice (s) in your communication exchanges and ask yourself if you could state your message more clearly.

I know this may sound like a crazy idea but if you find you need some assistance, give me a call......OK?